The book and movie "Water for Elephants" is making money because it is promoting how people shouldn’t be abusing elephants. But before you start feeling bad about the abused elephant in this contrived story - remember these facts:

1. Elephants sexually abuse rhinoceroses on a daily basis.
2 Also a fact: If elephants could hold their breath underwater long enough they would be hanging around on the bottoms of lakes, raping hippopotamuses.
3. Remember this too: Elephants are passive/aggressive creatures who sexually abuse any species they feel they can bully. (If elephants weren’t so frightened of mice they would be raping them too. FACT!)

1. Germans are rarely invited to penile-docking parties due to their tendency to want to pee on people.

2. There are Peeping Toms who specialize in peeping into penile-docker’s windows.

3. Penile-Dockers take great pride in their foreskin hygiene.

4. Penile-Dockers sometimes feel uncomfortable in non-penile-docking situations.

5. An aching foreskin is a sign that you might be penile-docking too much.

6. More than likely someone you think you know is a compulsive penile-docker.

7. People who make a living as penile-dockers are known as Professional Penile-Dockers.

8. Professional Penile-Dockers feel superior to amateur penile-dockers.

9. Assistant Penile-Dockers are thought to have little dignity (even Penile-Docking Apprentices feel superior to Assistant Penile-Dockers .)

10. Unemployed professional Penile-Dockers never put "Professional Penile-Docker" on their resume if they are applying for a non-penile docking job.